Sent: Thursday, December 23, 1999 12:42 PM

Subject: Happy X-Mas & Merry New Year

Once again it is time to pay homage to the fat guy in red who commits breaking and entering in approximatly 4.2 billion homes overnight. This jolly old criminal embodies everything that remains of the Christmas spirit: commercialism and grotesque weight problems. What would all the fat people do if they could not complain about all the poorly-built products that they did not receive? If they were not so lazy, they would probably get off their fat asses, drive on down to the local retailer, march right up to the customer service... aw screw it, there's football on and turkey on the TV tray.

Maybe it's the elves that embody the spirit of Christmas. A whole race of tiny workers who get paid in leftover milk and cookies from Santa's big haul. I bet they get damned sick of milk and cookies. "Hey Santa! Hows about a cheeseburger?" I can only imagine the torture those cute little slave workers must endure. Christmas carols all year long, every tree in Christmas town is covered in tinsel (which really stinks when you throw it on the fire), forever scared you might get switched from the nice to the naughty roster. The you got Santa coming home full of the Christmas "cheer" from a night of ho, ho, hoing Mrs. Claus. Makes you want to blow your little elven workmates away throughout the toy factory. If only the sleigh weren't a rag-top, you could just run a hose from the exhaust and smog yourself out of that winter wonderland.

I know that it can't be the kids that represent Christmas. Gimmie Gimmie Gimme! Get Get Get! Bunch of ungrateful little twerps. If they don't get the new Pukemon game trainer trading cards set special edition limited release only from a Burger King near you, then you must not be a good parent. The kids should play with lincoln logs and enjoy it! Way back in the olden times, the 70's, kids still had imaginations. With the advent of super cable television, imagination and entertainment have become muddled with reality. It's no wonder that our little angels are shooting each other full of lead or smack or whatever their twisted little minds can think of as the great new entertainment method.

It sure as heck ain't the joy and love of the season that is felt by all. Most people are jerks, and when Christmas time comes along, they get jerkier. They'll try to smack you upside the head if you try to grab the toy that their little brat has been whining for all of 10 minutes for. They'll try to run you off the road if you dare to try to follow any traffic laws at the mall. People are jerks this time of the year, unless you are on a first name basis with them.

Oh yeah, Maybe it has something to do with that Jesus thing. Now I'm not religious, but I do seem to recall something about goodwill towards man, and a bunch of stuff like that that sounds good on paper. Problem is that all these weasels that I have mentioned go to church on a regular basis and think that by saying "I'm sorry" enough times makes the gods forget that they are assholes. Kinda reminds me of something Allister Crowley was talking about. Something about how all the "good" Christians were the biggest sinners on Saturday night. I don't believe in paying homage to a vengeful, cruel overlord who would send good people to Hell merely because they do not believe or partake in the self serving dogma of an institution of man.

ho hum. I don't know where I was going with this, but I just saw the most beautiful sight. A cutle little girl named Mikale just smiled as she took a piece of candy from me. Within that smile, I saw a future for mankind. No concern other than the moment. No cares other that "what flavor?" A genuine smile for something so trivial as a sugary confection. That must be the spirit of Christmas. If for no other reason than it's purity of concept. It's sincerity of purpose.

The spirit of Christmas can truly be found in a Darth Vader Pez Dispenser.

Happy painting, and God bless.

-Dave at the SSC Call Center