Date: unknown

Subject: loquacious spider-monkey

I just wanted to apologize for sending a dull depressing email. I needed to release a little tension. It does drag on a bit, and I should have edited it a bit. Oh well. I never said life smelled of elderberries.

I just wanted to try and insult a part of our society that I have neglected to shred up into little bits and regurgitate for your reading pleasure. Friendship. Not acquaintanceship or any of that, but real honest to goodness, true, loving friendship that lasts forever.

I have had many friends in my life, some good some bad; but there has always been a set of friends that are above any form of rating. These are my best friends. The ones that I would not hesitate to lay down my life for, spot a twenty to, let cry on my shoulder when their sister dies; the ones that even when I should hate them, still hold a warm spot for deep in my heart because I know that people like this are far and few between, and I cannot allow the friendship to die for some stupid reason or another. This is not the only definition, mind you. Some use other definitions of friendship, but the heart of the statement will always hold true. I love my friends. I miss my friends.

The first real friend I lost died in a car wreck. That was not too bad because there was at least closure to the incident. We went and saw his body in the casket, wept, and coped with it. It was over. Since then I have lost many, many more friends. Losing them had no closure. They moved on. We are still friends (for the most part), and talk every now and then. It's worse knowing that you have a friend out there and can't see them. Some are married, some have new jobs, some are probably living in a crack house. It's the loss of this type that hurts most. Sure, we write, occasionally call each other, but it's not the same as putting down a cold one together.

Of the three people in Knoxville who would easily pick out the reference in the title, only two are left, and one is leaving in a month. That leaves me alone. Of the Olde School, none are left. Sure there are new friends, some of which will probably be as good as the Olde School; but it can never be the same. Never. You can't apply to the Olde School and get accepted. You have to earn it. Say La Vee.

There is more than one Olde School, though. My third school is also taking a field trip. Everyone is moving to Cali. People come and people go. You can think that a friendship will never end, but you must remember that it may come to pass. If you believe that friends will be there always, you are deluded. I'm not saying that the friendship will die, but that it will fade. It won't fade to nothing, but it fades a bit. When it fades, you have to cling on to the memories of it when it was brilliant. Come Sunday I will have nothing but memories of Christy to hold on to. Not that I don't want her to go, mind you. I want everyone to go where they should. It just hurts a little.

Sometimes it hurts more than other times. I never got to say goodbye to Dave. His time to leave came, I was not there when he tried to say farewell. Even though I will see him soon, I miss him. When the time comes, one should never hesitate. Take the opportunity if it is what you need. You can't make life decisions thinking of others. Selfishness has its time and place. Your love for your friends should be an important part of your decision making process, but sometimes it hampers us.

But if we did not have people coming into and out of our lives, we would stagnate. That is why my third school is leaving. After drinking the same beer with the same people at the same bar over the same conversation for several years, you start to lose it. I love my friends, but what I wouldn't do to not hang out with them every single night. I don't mind it really, because if I didn't hang out with them, I would be alone. Solitude, albeit relaxing and pleasant, can drive one bonkers if it lasts too long.

These changes that happen to us, shape us. They mold us into the future. It is this future that we strive to achieve. In a year or so when I theoretically move on to a happier life, I must not waver in my determination. It will hurt to leave, but just as the wolf is released into the wild, it must come to pass. I guess that the part of our society that I wanted to attack and insult is the very essence of our being, our human frailty.

I miss you Bart. Maybe we should of gone cruising instead.