Date: Monday, May 20, 1996 10:17PM

Subject: bunny head

Why does America have so many problems? You can be a Republican and blame it on single mothers and the lapse of the atomic family unit, or you can be a Democrat and blame it on the right wing preventing pertinent knowledge from being taught in school. But what if you don't align with either party enough to adopt someone else's opinion? You have to go out and find your own. There are so many around, that sometimes it is hard to find of your own. That is why I am here. My name is Dave. I am a socio-economic-political-war-monger-southerner-metal-head-beer-drinkin-heck-raising-meglomaniacal critic. I carry a bunny head.

How does one even begin to understand the social ills of this day and age? There are so many problems that we cannot just sum it all up in one sentence, unless of course that sentence ends with 'happily ever after' which ain't happening. As I have already discussed Saturday morning cartoons, (please see RE: I'm Outta Here!) I shall move on to the next obvious topic: the rest of television. The television we grew up on has changed immensely in the past two decades. I am not just referring to the addition of Scrappy to the Scooby Doo Show, but of a fundamental change in the underlying subconscious levels of the programming. This is not just limited to shows, but applies to commercials as well. Before, if you wanted the toy, you bought the cereal. Now we are confronted with having to buy a case of Cap'n Crunch to get the complete set of milk caps that may or may not ever get completed. We also have fruit snacks, the likes of which I would never consider eating lest I wonder their origin, that advertise eating the whole box at once. Pringles that 'Once you pop, you can't stop'. These adverts say one thing only: OVER-CONSUME! Why eat what you need when you can have twice as much jammed down your gullet. Eat too much? Well then 'Slam a Dew' to wash it down. Feel queasy? Take some Tums with calcium that has fewer tablets to make the package smaller so that it will fit easier in your pocket. Not just food or drugs either. Get yourself a Pretty Polly Flower Making Kit and you will have so much fun that you will use up all the supplies on the first try and have to go back to the store for the conveniently overpriced refill packs of colored paper and plastic straws.

To blame all the social ills upon over-consumption would not be fair. There are other Madison Avenue psychopaths that need some blame too. There are the twisted ones that promote no morals, or should I say a lack thereof. If you want an Eggo, use the most devious of methods to steal it. If your big brother has a problem, he can go steal some Super Golden Crisp from the nice old lady down the street. If she has a problem with it we can take the Duracell battery out of her back rendering her essentially dead. And now that she's dead, lets get William Shatner to call Rescue 911 and try to get better ratings. Oh yeah, we could try to save her life also. But if we did that we could not get the sexy twenty-year old to play her in the reenactment, so scratch that. When the media proclaim such things it has an effect on the group psyche of the masses. Drinking Pepsi will not make you the fun-lovin' nineties hippie wannabe that we all strive to make fun of.

Television alone is still not big enough to take the blame of all the social ills in America, so where to turn now? Got it. Music. Ever since the Beatles began caterwauling in the sixties, music has been at fault for most problems we suffer. Punk rock makes you a jerk, Metal makes you violent, alternative makes you depressed, whiny chick music makes you gay, Grateful Dead makes me sick, and whatever passes for Rock-n-Roll these days makes us all change the station. There is not a whole lot of truth to this, otherwise I would be a violent jerk without a radio that hangs out with gay, depressed sick people. Well, maybe it's not too far from the truth, but I digress. We have music out that glorifies certain lifestyles that albeit are certainly valid and not improper when taken in context, but it is the lack of context that confuses people. 'Sid Lives' is an example of this. The youth of today still hold to this concept even though they don't know who Sid was. Kurt Cobain was a whiny twit who couldn't handle success, so he turned to drugs and his good ole trusty 12 gauge. Why is he an idol to so many? If you know where he is coming from, yes by all means love him. Because that cute guy on MTV is dead, is no reason to ever worship anybody. I know where he was coming from, but still don't like him for personal reasons. But I can like him because I understand the pain of life that he dealt with. Your 16 year old sister has not a clue and should be shot down for loving a guy just 'cause his brains on the wall. Kids that love the gangsta rap because of the curse words, or Marky Marks smile should be shot down just the same. They got no idea what the music is about other than women and money. That has nothing to do with the music. Sure they sing about it, but it is between the lines that the youth can't read. They need to.

So who to blame now? Parents? Sure they teach their kids ignorance at home because a teacher is not qualified to teach facts to kids, but they could do more. They could love their kids a bit more, instead of loving them at the company picnic and threatening them with pulling the car over on the side of the road if the 2.5 kids in the back won't stop buggin each other. Shut 'em up and reward them with a wonderful family night of watching movies on cable in complete silence for hours on end. Maybe take them to a family style restaurant and get them a kiddie meal with a toy in it to shut their mouths. Quieting the kids by sitting them in front of a Sega to blow the brains out of a space monster is not, never was and never should be parenting. Parents have gotten too lazy. Sure I grew up watching TV, but I was not allowed to watch whatever whenever I wanted. Urban kids have the disadvantage of being ignored by their parents, loved by their television, shaped by their video games, and loathed by their teachers for being the slackers that society demanded them to be.

I know. Religion. Too much Bible and you got some nut case knocking on your door to share the Lord with you. Not enough and you got a rebel with no real moral base and a good chance of having a little Satanist. Yeah, right. Both sides are screwed on this note so I think I'll just drop it.

Should we blame any minorities? Sure the Jews make all the money off the Mexicans who stole the black's jobs that the whites forced them into because we killed to many Native Americans to work in the factories that the Japanese are buying so they can sell them to the Chinese, who have the greatest prison workforce in the world. But I just don't buy into that.

Government? Hardly. They don't do enough in Washington to really have an effect on the people of this land, except for how much more time you serve for a silly crime than a serious one because this is an election year (isn't it always) and they need to make a statement about how silly crimes may be silly and all, but are not silly to those that really do not understand exactly what the crime is. The government is to blame for a lot, but the social ills are more the blame of others than themselves.

I guess I mean to say that the social ills of this country are the responsibility of many. The only way to cure them is to take our children, blindfold them, tie them to a chair in a dark room, feed them home-made noodles with all imitation ingredients, plug their ears, and listen to the Beatles in another room. Any questions?